★½
I would argue that there aren’t a million ways to make a bad movie, but “A Million Ways to Die in the West” provides a good counterpoint. A mediocre gross-out comedy that only stays above the line of abomination because of some inspired cameos, AMWTDITW is a cringe fest with wasted potential and offensive, often insulting humor abound.
The film opens with obligatory landscape shots and block text, much the same way Django Unchained and so many westerns begin. It’s appealing to the eye if nothing we haven’t seen before, and it doesn’t offend anybody. Once the landscape frames are over, it’s not really possible to repeat that comment much more.
We’re introduced to Seth MacFarlane’s character, Albert, a sheep farmer who talks his way out of shooting duels and whose girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried) has left behind because he doesn’t take chances and is too “yellow” (there is an asian joke thrown in there, as this is of course a Seth MacFarlane movie).
Serving as a fourth-wall breaking narrator who complains about the poor conditions of the west and questions everyone’s stupidity in the most modernistic of ways, Albert mulls over his depressing life style, pointing out the millions of dangers he and his friends face on a day-to-day basis, from ice (in the trailer) to fire from a camera (in the trailer) to barfights (a wild west standard). There are about three more ways to die that we hear about, some of them funny but none of them enough to live up to the film’s title.
The majority of the film centers around the burgeoning relationship between Albert and the beautiful Anna (Charlize Theron), a mysterious bachelorette who enters town and becomes friends with Albert in order to train him to beat the wealthy Neil Patrick Harris, who has stolen Amanda Seyfried from him, in a shoot-out.
What Albert doesn’t know about his new companion is that she is actually married to the most dastardly dude in the land, Liam Neeson (Clinch Leatherwood), who will not be happy when he shows up and finds out his wife has been canoodling with the nerdy (his own self-proclamation in one of his better egotistical speeches) Albert. Of course, we have to go through an hour and a half of mildly inspired but mostly insipid crap to see Neeson in his best scenes.
MacFarlane is a talented writer and show-runner, and his visual directing skills are nothing bad for a comedy when on display here, but he is a major screen hog in this, his most major live action role since his embarrassing Oscar performance last year. Scenes drag on relatively laugh-free with his social commentary and self-indulgence, most of which is funny in the context of family guy but not in this parody. He isn’t the worst actor by a mile, but his screen presence is lacking, measurable by the sheer number of laughs we get from cameos and from Neil Patrick Harris in particular in comparison to the one or two laughs every ten minutes we get from MacFarlane.
Perhaps when he writes for himself he focuses on making his character say something important or thematic rather than focusing on making himself directly funny, but that doesn’t work in a comedy he’s filled with fart jokes, racism (it’s hard to tell if it’s satirical like in “Blazing Saddles”, as it’s poorly handled and never funny), and tons of sheep penises. You heard me correct. There is a lot of in-the-air peeing. From sheep. At least six of them.
When other actors bring their personalities, though, MacFarlane’s script shines just that little brighter, implying he has a great comedy (he’s already written and directed masterpieces before), just not for him to be physically involved.
I guess, then, for a MacFarlane comedy to work, he must limit himself to voices. It allows his imagination to make his jokes funnier in context, and he doesn’t have to bring disgusting humor with no thematic depth in it to populate the scenes his human personality can’t. He has a good performance in him somewhere, and he should keep writing and directing, but perhaps drama is his best shot when it comes to acting.
At least he doesn’t sing any showtunes like they do in the less funny episodes of “Family Guy”. Sadly, there still is one in the cringeworthy mustache song. That said, it’s at least satirical.
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